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Tell my Why, Eye, Eye.

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Warning.  This is silly and totally off topic from writing but here goes.

While editing an MS making sure I’d answered all the whys in the story I realized I had my own real life unanswered why questions. Like:

Why doesn’t someone make a riding vacuum cleaner?

Why do people going to the gym look for a close parking space?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are about dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is insufficient money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but they fricking have to check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when a revolver is thrown at him?

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Why did people in the 60s take acid to make the world weird and now that the world is weird take Prozac to make it normal?

Why do dog food ads say they contain only the freshest most natural ingredients? People food ads talk about convenience and how much your kids will love yellow dye mixed with sugar.

Why are cereals, popular in the US, banned in the rest of the world?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Why is there never a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people touch a pregnant woman’s belly and say congrats but never touch a guy’s penis and say good job?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do some people keep reading a bad book to the bitter end to see if it’s going to get better?

Why when you finally get time to watch TV there is nothing on the 10 million channels you want to watch?

Why did I get such pleasure naming my wifi connection FBIsurvan?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over?

Why do people in Canada want to sell me their medication?

Why does Windows IE think it’s necessary to tell me it blocked a pop up with a pop up?

Why does the internet think I’ll watch a 30 second ad to see a 20 second video?

 

Did you ever think that-

Someday health nuts are going to feel stupid dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Give a person a sandwich and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Men have two emotions:

Hungry and Horny. ;-)  BTW if you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Some people are like a Slinky … Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Life is like eating a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease or one chicken with bird flu is located among millions but we haven’t got a clue as to where criminals and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of finding them.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of three friends — if they’re okay, could it be you. That is unless I’m one of the friends you’re thinking about.

Can you answer my questions?  Do you have any unanswered why questions?

During her sane moments Rita writes sexy stories about Extraordinary Women and the Men they Love.

 

16 Responses to “Tell my Why, Eye, Eye.”

  1. Kathy Crouch says:

    I have seen this in email dozens of times and still I laugh out loud. I like the idea of a riding vacuum lol. I considered one of the little robot ones. That could be fun with a cat . I asked why if we have robot vacuums why not one for the yard? You could do the house and yard at the same time while sipping on your Margarita or wine.
    Thanks for the laughter.

  2. Jenn! says:

    Always fun to read. Thanks for the smile, Rita.

  3. Janet B says:

    Speaking of vacuum cleaners, my nephew, when he was 3, LOVED to jump on the vacuum cleaner and ride it (hugged it) when the carpet was cleaned. Strange. LOL

  4. Thank you, Rita! Loved it.

  5. Elisa Beatty says:

    LOL, Rita. I want my riding vacuum cleaner and I want it NOW!!

  6. Tamara Hogan says:

    This kitty found a riding vacuum… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of2HU3LGdbo#at=18

    As an official TV addict, I can ALWAYS find something to watch. ;-)

  7. Why do people touch a pregnant woman’s belly and say congrats but never touch a guy’s penis and say good job?

    LMAO!!! Thanks for the laughter, Rita. Man, I missed you at conference this year. You never fail to give me a chuckle.

    The answer to your question above is, men are like hound dogs. If you rub their penis and praise them, they’ll follow you around for life, hoping to convince you to do it again.

  8. Thanks, Rita! I needed a good laugh today, and this was it! Loved it.

  9. Liz talley says:

    This was awesome! Love it!

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