Okay, I bet the second you read my blog title an EX-significant other popped into your mind, and you’re recalling what it was about him or her that caused conflict between the two of you and ended the bond.  Think back–not to the beginning but to the turning point in your relationship.  What made you decide to say, “Okay this person is not meant for me” and sent you on the run.

Was it something he did or didn’t do?

1: While eating out, did he/she always pick at the dinner you ordered because he decided yours looked or tasted better than the dinner he ordered?

2: Did he/she always leave the television on when leaving the house or apartment?

3: Did he/she never wash or clean out his car? And was happy to have a backseat filled with garbage?

4: Did they constantly make promises and always had an excuse for not keeping them?

Or was it something he/she said?

1: Hummm

2: I told you to…

3: Did he/she never let you finish your sentence?

Or did it seem the relationship was all about them?

1:  You always went out with his/her friends but not with yours?

2: You attended all of his ball games but he always found an excuse to miss your book signings. GASP!

3.  She always wants sex with the lights off and never in the afternoon.

Or were there outside influences that strained the relationship?

1:  He/she hated your dog, or cat.

2: Her/his family always had to be consulted concerning decisions that should be made by the two of you. Or the family interfered on their own.

3: His/her job took priority over everything.

Maybe there was a habit at first you thought was kind of cute but then it became really annoying.

1: He called every one of his buddies MAN.

2: While in the shower, he sang his version of We Are The Champions, inserting I am instead of we are.

3:  He always swiped a cookie or veggie from the tray you just finished making for a party.

4. He always wore the same ratty shirt on the weekends.

How many of you said “Oh, yeah. That one too.”?

I could make this list a lot longer and I’m sure many of you could still add more examples. Really great ones.

My point in listing all these examples are that they are character flaws and by giving your characters a flaw, your reader will definitely connect with them and identify with your hero or heroine’s reaction to the flaw. And that is what you want as a writer—a connection with the reader.

We’ve all heard perfect characters are boring characters.  That is so true.

Think about your favorite sitcom. One of mine is Everybody Loves Raymond.  Every character in that show is memorable. All have huge flaws.

Raymond, of course, is lazy when it comes to helping with the children and around the house. He loves golf and sex and would do about anything to have more time doing both, including telling his white lies.

Deborah, his wife, her flaw in my book, is she puts up with Raymond.  But she can also be admired for sticking it out with the guy.

Robert, Raymond’s brother, even though he’s a well over six-foot-giant has this insecurity about being second in line to his baby brother. And he has this freakish way of touching his chin when eating.

And Marie and Frank, Ray’s parents… well there isn’t enough room on this cyber-blog to list all their faults.

The only characters who seem perfect are Ray’s and Deborah’s three children.  GRIN. Kids are always perfect!

In my 2009 Golden Heart entry, Evil’s Witness, which will be released June 18, 2010 by The Wild Rose Press , my hero, John, a FBI agent, is very curt. He is a loner with deep wounds.

John wears a tiny rubber band around his ring finger and constantly snaps it. This bothers the heroine, Stephanie, because it’s the type of a hair band used by little girls and well, she has a five year old daughter.

Each time Steph sees John play with the rubber band her anxiety builds until finally she presses him about it.  The hair band is a reminder of his internal conflict. It reminds him of his daughter who was murdered because of him.

Now let’s go back to the lists above. I’m going to pick a few and show an example what conflict could be developed from the trait, flaw or habit.

A) Leaves the television on. Perfect internal conflict. Character was abandoned. Afraid to come home to an empty house.

B) Hmmm.. Heroine yells, “Hmmm. That is all you ever say to me. You never share what you’re thinking.”

Hero thinks, I really don’t want to do Thanksgiving at the grandfather’s house again, especially this year when it’s going to be the old man’s last.  I’ve lost enough this year.

C) Sex in the afternoon:

“I’ll get these reports to Mr. Gillings right away.” Marcy tapped the papers into a uniform pile, surprised Bill had agreed to all of hers terms.

“You have time.” He stood and second later she heard the door lock clink.

“What are you doing?” Her nervous chuckle echoed off the walls of her office as he walked toward her. It was Saturday and there was no one in the building. “I told you, I’m not going to have sex with you.”

“If you want my support, you will.’”

Marcy’s heel landed home, in his nut patch.

How’s that for conflict?

So next time you have a problem developing conflict between your characters or feel your characters seem cookie cutter, think back to the one who is your EX.

I know you’re all avid readers. Do you have an example of a character with a flaw you’ve read or are writing you’d like to share?