|
Make It Romantic
 Posted by Vivi Andrews Feb 9 2012, 12:01 am I have a confession to make. I’m addicted to The Bachelor. (And I blame Lincee Ray who sucked me in with her hilarious episode recaps.) Every Monday my DVR fills up with two hours of this jaw-droppingly bizarre social-experiment approach to falling in love. There’s always the villain, the good-girl everyone loves but you know he won’t pick (being groomed for her own spin-off show, of course), and more than a few embarrassingly desperate-to-find-love girls with awkward “romantic gestures” (scrapbooking, anyone?). But above all, there are the most over-the-top, cliche, forced, uber-”romantic” dates. See, I have a macabre fascination with The Bachelor, but romantic it ain’t. And, strange as this may seem, I think as romance writers there’s an important lesson there about fabricated romance versus the genuinely romantic. What is romance? A helicopter whisking you off to Vegas to have dinner floating amid the Bellagio fountains is really freaking cool, but romance is your loved one making those plans and surprising you with them, not an overworked intern at ABC spending three months ironing out contracts with Bellagio management. It really is the thought that counts – and when the thought is conjured up by someone at Bachelor Headquarters rather than your sweetie-to-be, it loses the romantic punch. (And no amount of the show’s participants gushing about how romantic it is will convince me they really feel wooed. Wowed, yes. Wooed, no.) Romance is the thought. The connection. Not the sunrise, but the sharing of it – that moment when his hand slips into yours on the beach, not the fact of the surf pounding the sand. Any moment can be romantic, but you have to see the connection in it – and so does your reader. I’ve heard Jane of Dear Author complain about the lack of courtship in romance novels these days. I think it is easy for us to get caught up in the conflict and lose the connection. So many story lines seem to be fighting-til-they-fall-into-bed plotlines – and sure, I love ‘em as much as the next girl, but those fights need to include moments when antagonism melts into understanding. Moments of connection, no matter how small. Romance is more than just the trappings. The cliche situations. You can’t just pull out a sunset and rely on the romance of the situation to carry your character’s emotions. Pretty Woman isn’t romantic because he showers her with riches and whisks her off to the opera – it’s romantic because he sees her and wants to do that for her – because she isn’t just an accessory anymore. A romantic gesture has to be an extension of emotion to contain any romantic impact.
Share:
              
Comments
53 Responses to “Make It Romantic”Leave a Reply |
The Latest Posts
archives
tags
2010 RWA conference
2011 finalists
2012 finalists
author interview
bestseller
characterization
contest judging
craft
digital press
ebook
Free-For-All Friday
golden heart
golden heart finalists
guest author
handling criticism
historical romance
hooks
inspiration
Kelly Fitzpatrick
liz talley
Make It Golden
motivation
muse
nano
Networking
new releases
perseverance
research
rita
romance community
Ruby Release
rwa
submission tips
taking risks
tamara hogan
TV/movies
Unsinkables
Winter Writing Festival
writer's advice
writer's journey
writer's life
writing contests
writing romance
writing tips
writing tools
feeds
|
And romance isn’t one-size-fits-all. Not every girl wants the opera gloves and the private plane. In my latest release, the Valentine’s themed, Ghosts of Boyfriends Past, the heroine’s best friend is preparing a Valentine’s surprise for her doctor hubby in the form of a dissect-able heart – a giant purple plastic replica of the actual organ. Most of us would probably prefer chocolates, but for them that creepy purple plastic is the definition of romance. It’s that connection. Because, sure, a sunrise is pretty and all, but it’s just beauty without that connection to tip it over into romance.
This is so fabulous and smart and right, Vivi! (Also hilarious.)
I love the reminder about the need for more genuine COURTSHIP in romances: more “moments when antagonism melts into understanding.” You’re right: there’s so much emphasis on conflict these days, we don’t always get to feel enough of the connection.
I’m going to work at keeping this in mind!
I want to think about the “particularly romantic moments” in books I love…but I’m too exhausted just now. Will be back in the morning!
Thanks, Elisa. We need conflict to make the story happen, so it’s easy to focus on, but romance cannot live on conflict alone.
Well said, Vivi. Hooking up isn’t romance, people. Romance can be something as small as reaching across the table to wipe ketchup from your chin or something as large a flying your best friend in. But it has to come from the heart, from the understanding of you as a person. I love roses, I love jewelry, I love shoes (nor surprise there), but my heart can’t be bought with them. Open the car door and take my arm so I don’t break an ankle in the ridiculous heels I love, walk on the outside when we walk down the street, tell me I’m special to you in the small things, and the big things will come.
Gwyn, that’s so sweet! I’m kind of the same way … I love big romantic gestures, but they’re not the be-all, end-all.
I think the most romantic thing that ever happened was the day I tripped over a curb on the way into IHOP and the Boyfriend (now Fiance) helped me hobble into the restaurant and — when I insisted I was fine — talked me out of being embarrassed (we were with a bunch of his friends).
Exactly, Gwyn & Arlene! You ladies know your romance.
What an excellent post!
Just finished re-reading Mary Balogh’s Slightly Married, and the section where the heroine’s husband ignores a dinner with the Regent in order to help his wife is desperately romantic.
Oooh! I’ll have to read that one! Thanks, Gillian.
What a fun post, Vivi! I find watching reality television SO useful for research. It provides quick, albeit exaggerated, insights into some of the less attractive aspects of human behavior. Sometimes I find myself watching something like, oh, “Toddlers & Tiaras”, working hard to push through the boggle/WTF@! factor to consider the motivations of the parents whose children participate in pageants, or who allow their children to be filmed for a reality show, period. Competition shows like “Project Runway” or “Top Chef” are a little more subtle: the mind games. The psych-outs. The meltdowns. The challenge of being creative and flawless, working against the clock. The pissy behavior (taking ALL the scallops), or the occasional classy move, where one designer loans another money at the fabric store, or when a chef who’s finished a challenge early pitches in to help a competitor because they want to win on merit, not on a technicality. “Rock of Love” – the Brett Michaels/groupie bus dating show? OMG, so horrible/hilarious. What possible motivation would a woman have to go on that show? I enjoy thinking about these things, studying them like a psychologist or sociologist would. It helps me develop characters. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!
Traditional romantic gestures kinda leave me cold, in both my books and in my personal life. At the end of TASTE ME, Lukas’s big romantic gesture, his admission of love, involved dancing. In public. A fate worse than death, but he did it – and Scarlett definitely rewarded him.
>>It helps me develop characters. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!
Hahaha. I say the same thing about the MTV reality shows I watch. I write YA–it’s research!
The shows are fascinating, aren’t they? I haven’t seen all the ones you mentioned, but I imagine the crazy comes out to play on all of them to some degree. Research, baby.
This is a wonderful post. And to be honest I think there is nothing more romantic than a man who makes sure that your car is always in tip-top operating condition. And he does it because he cares about you. (And of course it’s kind of fun to look at his backside when he’s got his head down deep in the engine trying to puzzle out some problem.)
So true…on all counts!!
So true, Hope. That’s my type of hero.
Taking care of you AND a view? Now that’s romance.
Absolutely, Hope! In fact, all I want for Valentine’s Day is my hubby to clean out my car and get it washed. (I say “all” as if it’s a minor thing, but you should see my car after the kiddos are done with it – hah!)
OMG, Hope. Thank you! My husband thinks I’m INSANE when I start looking at him like a piece of meat as he comes up from the garage all dirty. He just can’t believe that I think working on the car is sexy. It shows he cares and he’s capable. Rawr.
I’m the girliest, most romantic of girls, so I like a combination. On our anniversary, my husband went to the restaurant early to put flowers on our table as a surprise. Super romantic big gesture! But this week, he left work to drive me to the doctor because I was a basket case (for no good reason, might I add). Equally romantic – which is why he’s the best husband ever.
Aw, you’ve got a keeper there, Christi.
Yep, just had to back up in my WIP and work on the romance. Just because I like action and um…killing scenes, lol, I forget about the romance part until I write into a wall. Then I have to stop and back up. The Bachelor? Really? I watched it one season. NO GUY is worth what those women do!!
Oh it’s not about the guy! It’s about the manipulation – both the way the contestants try to manipulate one another and the way the show manipulates them by essentially putting them in a Real World Deprivation Bubble for the length of the time they are on the show. It’s HORRIBLE and I love it. Of course, I watch on my DVR so if it gets too appalling I can always fast forward. And it’s best with a friend to heckle with you.
Drinking games! Some online buds and I metaphorically/virtually “drink” when anyone on Top Chef or Project Runway accuses another of “throwing them under the bus” or when a mother feeds her kid Pixy Stix (pageant crack) or Red Bull on Toddlers & Tiaras.
Vivi, although I can’t say that I understand or even like reality television, I understand what you mean between romantic and contrived.
That’s how I see the stuff on the show in the clips of Bachelor, contrived, and not all that great.
It may be the romantic in me, but when I think Romantic gestures that get to me… It’s the guy who takes the time to find out, and remember that I’m allergic to Roses. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the thought behind Roses, but sometimes it’s not about the big fancy bouquet, it’s the single rose swiped from his mother’s garden that makes a bigger impact. It’s opening the door, asking about my family/pet/job, Making/bringing the coffee because I’m not a morning person or knowing that I’m just as happy with a picnic under the stars as I am with a five star restaurant (happier actually, what in the world would I wear to a five star restaurant?)
Weaving those romantic gestures can be hard, especially when your Hero and Heroine are fighting. Yet, I find the easiest way to weave in the little things, is to truly know your Characters.
For Example- My Heroine is too independent for her own good sometimes, but can’t cook if her life depended on it. Her Hero brings her a picnic basket of home cooked delights from his Mother’s Kitchen, He doesn’t know she can’t cook, it was the neighborly thing to do to welcome her home. In another instance – She almost runs him over with her car, instead of yelling at her, he notices her limping and immediately asks if she’s alright.
Hope also has a point, If he keeps my car running, so I don’t have to, and I get to look at his backside while he’s working on it, that’s not a bad thing either.
Just a little food for thought.
~Tiana~
Yep, nothing on The Bachelor is genuine or romantic. But if a guy brings a girl lunch after he knows she can’t cook, then he’s taking care of her and that is hella romantic to me.
Exactly Vivi, It’s the little details.
One guy I dated brought me crystal roses because he asked my mom what color roses I liked and she told him I was allergic and Jasmine (one of my favorites) was impossible to get in Denver at the time.
Another used to go out of his way to go to my favorite little Italian bistro just to pick up their salad dressing because he knew I loved it.
Yet it wasn’t the items that cost that meant the most– It was holding me when I cried, It was dancing in the rain, or snowball fights in the winter. (I do not miss the snowball fights all that much, LoL)
Great post, Vivi and I’m with many of the sisters, romance isn’t the glitter and wow factor, it’s the little things that a man and woman, or ghost, do for each other.
I so agree, there has to be courtship. I’m not a reader of wow, and then wham and blam. Those stories leave me cold.
Write me a man who makes the heroine a cup of tea, because he knows she likes tea in the evening. Or warms her side of the bed, while she does her nightly routine, because he knows she doesn’t feel well and then holds her in his arms not caring if he will get infected.
Again, great post.
Thanks, Autumn. Taking care of someone when they are sick is a BIGGIE. That’s love.
The Fiancee has been known to take care of me when I’m sick, too. I think I have a keeper …
So very true, Vivi – it’s all about the connection. Congratulations on the latest release!
Thank you, Anne Marie!
What a great post, Vivi!!! I’ve never watched the Bachelor for that reason. I can’t see how it would be romantic in the least. And yet you are so right. It is an excellent research tool. What a wonderful idea! ~D~
The Bachelor has ZERO relationship to romance, but it is fascinating. Kind of like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. Awful, but spell-binding.
Romance is incredibly nebulous. What works one month might not the next. I think age has a lot to do with perceptions of romance. What was considered romantic in the 80s isn’t now. Geography can have a lot to do with how we perceive romance also. I suppose the best thing is to know your partner and what they like.
As for the bachelor I can not see how that could be in any way shape or form romantic.
Congrats on the new book release and wishing you many sales.
Thanks, Rita. You make a good point about regionalism and perceptions changing over time. I guess all we can do is find what matches our characters’ sense of romance and play to that.
>>but romance is your loved one making those plans and surprising you with them
So true. My husband recently got me a couple of tops and it made me so happy because he had gone to my favorite store and spent the time to pick them out. He was blown away that I liked them so much because they were on sale, he hadn’t spent very much money, etc, so I had to explain the whole it’s-the-thought-that-counts thing. Again. Okay, he’s not the most romantic guy, except by accident.
Great post, Vivi.
I love romantic by accident. That’s when you’re positive it isn’t forced and fake.
Thanks, Shoshana.
That also true, Vivi.
Hang on to him, Shoshana. Sounds like you have a good one.
I’m not big on the tradional romantic notions, I mean how hard is it to find flowers on Valentines Day? They set up stands on every street corner.
My husband is most romantic when he’s being a good dad. We had a big Anniversary Weekend planned one year. Tickets to the Giants game, a hotel room in San Francisco, his parents to watch the kids overnight. They picke the boys up from thier Little League game and we ran home to pack. We were just on the way out the door when his mother called. Our youngest thought Grandpa was a jungle gym and fell, hitting his head on the corner of a desk. They could have taken him to the ER, but we met them there. We spent the whole day waiting for two stitches. We finally got in the car in time to hear the first pitch on the radio. We could see the lights of the ballpark from the Bay Bridge as they closed out the game. We were surrounded by young couples in limos and cabs on their way to Prom at the hotel across the street from us.
We missed the game, but not the opportunity to remember what was important. It was still a very romantic weekend.
The other romantic thing we did recently was to take our two sons to the spot on the river where my husband proposed to me. We’ve also taken them to Yellowstone where we spent part of our honeymoon. Nice to fulfill those dreams we had way back then.
I love that story, Kristina. Some of the most memorable moments are when best laid plans go awry.
Love is a hubbie with as sick a sense of humor as you have. This year, he says he’s going to write a book called “How to murder your wife and get away with it.” I think it’s funny.
But when the Beltway sniper was shooting random people in parking lots around DC, he wouldn’t let me pump gas in my car. He still takes my car to the service station to fill it up and check the oil. To me that says it all.
Have you seen the movie How To Murder Your Wife with Jack Lemon and that gorgeous Italian blonde bombshell (I wanna say Virna Lisi)? I adore that movie.
Great post, Vivi! I’m married to the least TRADITIONALLY romantic man in America. He doesn’t remember birthdays or anniversaries, and doesn’t even buy me Christmas presents. But when I’m busy writing, he does the laundry and runs to the store for me. He doesn’t do candlelight and I can count on one hand the number of times he’s surprised me with flowers or anything, for that matter. He claims he doesn’t know HOW to be romantic. So I explained to him that a romantic gesture doesn’t need to cost anything but time, and should ultimately tell the other person that you were thinking about them when they weren’t around. Being romantic is doing anything that lets your sweetheart know he/she matters to you.
“Being romantic is doing anything that lets your sweetheart know he/she matters to you.”
Exactly. This.
I think a man doing laundry so you can write is the most romantic thing in the world!
Wonderful post, Vivi, and I so agree with you on romance. Isn’t it great when people agree with you? LOL
I try really hard for actual romance in my romance books – I strive for a sort of realnesss, a connection in which my characters are real and profound and scared and excited and….all those things that make up the process of falling in love.
I don’t need romantic gestures just heartfelt desire to please the one you love
Thanks, Liz. I DO love when people agree with me. Probably helps that I’m so often right. LOL.
I love the jumbled up mix you mention of falling in love. Part of the trouble with cliches is that they oversimplify and remove the reality from the situation.
Great post! I love your ” A romantic gesture has to be an extension of emotion to contain any romantic impact.” I think I’m going to put that over my desk. Great post!
A desk quote! I’m honored. Glad the post resonated with you, Annabeth.
Great post! I love your ” A romantic gesture has to be an extension of emotion to contain any romantic impact.” I think I’m going to put that over my desk. Great post!
Romance in our house has changed since we had a child. But I think what it boils down to for us is the selfless acts that are done solely to make the other person smile (or just breathe in peace). For me it’s hearing my husband running to stop the kid banging on the bathroom door as I take a shower or playing video games with him while I sneak off to the gym. The most romantic thing I can possibly do for my husband is to ignore a holiday- I didn’t make an issue of our second anniversary and he was the happiest that week that I’d seen him in months.
It’s the little things that speak the loudest for me in books. When a hero whisks a girl off to an exotic location that’s nice, but when he takes her to his favorite little hole-in-the-wall restaurant I want to freaking melt. If he buys her bling jewelry I get a little jealous, but when he brings her her favorite hamburger after a long day of work I want to throw the book at my hubby and tell him to learn something. Little tells me he cares and put a lot of thought into her. Plus, little feels more real. Because really, how many men can afford diamonds and last minute vacations? (And where can I get one?)
I think any man stopping the kid from interrupting your shower is melt-worthy moment. It really is the little things.
And the winner is… GILLIAN! I’ll email you shortly to arrange receipt of your prize. Congrats!
Hey there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll definitely digg it and in my opinion suggest to my friends. I’m confident they will be benefited from this website.