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MEN!

Men just don’t understand, but we can’t live without them and if we’re honest with ourselves, we wouldn’t want to, right?  What am I talking about?

Recently, I lost the diamond from my engagement ring. Every woman whose ever been in love and has received one knows how special the ring is. It symbolizes the love he feels for you. When you lose your DH, as I did several years ago, the meaning of that ring amplifies by tens of thousands. It’s the remaining physical reminder of his love.

When I realized I lost my diamond, my brother and son immediately answered my call for help to check the drains in the house.  When we didn’t find it, I was heartbroken and reduced to tears.  My brother immediately said, “Don’t worry. I’ll buy you one twice as big.”  More tears came.  While I appreciated his gesture to make me feel better, I fell deeper into depression because no one in my house (all guys) understood what I was feeling.  Or at least that is what I thought, until I posted on Facebook. I never mentioned anything on social media about my DH’s fight with cancer or when I lost him. In fact, I hadn’t posted anything for more than six months afterwards. Notta. Nothing. After this experience I feel maybe I was wrong not to, because the overwhelming emotional support from my followers has been tremendous. Maybe I wouldn’t have spent a year fighting depression if I’d opened up to them and share my lost.

While trying to work on my next hero, this experience reminded that men do think, act and express their emotions differently. They look at the world as if it’s black and white instead of through shades of gray. They express themselves differently, sometimes through jokes, or not at all. Their hearts are encased in armor while we carry ours exposed to all. They talk differently. (If you’d want to read a great blog on this topic, look at Ruby Sister Rita Henuber’s blog GUY SPEAK . She nails the subject.) 

I’m going to keep in mind the reactions I’m getting from men over my lost while I sketch out my next hero. Do you have any examples of a good-hearted man just being a guy?

 

AMAZON, B&N, I-TUNES, KOBO

15 responses to “MEN!”

  1. Addison Fox says:

    AJ

    This is a great post and such a wonderful reminder that men do care, but they’re wired differently. The fact they all immediately jumped to help you search the drains is THEIR way of showing love.

    xo,
    Addison

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    • That is so true. Men often show their love through actions, rather than words. The acts might be something we do everyday and take for granted, but if they do them it means something more, like making you breakfast or cleaning up the bathroom before leaving it.

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  2. Julia Day says:

    My DH is a beta type (or maybe even a gamma?). He’s a great speaker for a nerdy guy–so not at all word-challenged when he’s talking about computers. But when it comes to feelings, he talks through actions. Last night, I was slammed by a migraine, and he hovered quietly, wanting to help, fetching whatever I needed, checking on me, making irritations go away. It’s a good reminder to me why the beta-type heroes I write should always have their actions speaking louder than their words.

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    • He sounds like a great guy–a quiet hero. It’s not only the alpha male who can be sexy as hell doing the little things that melt our hearts.

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  3. Jennifer Bray-Weber says:

    Super post, Autumn! So spot on.
    It can be very frustrating trying to get men to see or understand why we say, do, and react the way we do. They are definitely made differently.

    But clearly, the men in your life love you very much. Their actions speak it!

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    • And I them, but sometimes they do stupid, stupid things meaning well of course but still completely clueless– like buy you perfume that their MIL likes, because you’re the same age. LOL

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  4. Heather McCollum says:

    I’m so sorry, Autumn, about your huge loss and then to lose your ring just makes the wounds all reopen. Men don’t realize that often there is absolutely nothing that can make a woman feel better, yet they try anyway. Sometimes it takes silence and a warm embrace and an understanding that nothing will help. And somehow that helps.

    When I was going through 15 months of chemo with three young kids, I would get so terrified that I’d leave them without a mom. My husband once held me close and said (and this is a 6’4 200 pound guy who isn’t afraid of anything) “I’m terrified too, and I’m not even going through what you’re going through. I can’t even imagine how it feels to be you.” I loved him 100X more for that. Then he would just hold me and let me cry (this happened often). Sometimes, not fixing things and admitting that they too can’t fix it, makes things better.

    2+
    • Oh, Heather, you have me tearing up. What a beautiful moment you’ve shared with us. Thank you. and thank God you’re here for them and us. Thank you also for the understanding.(((HUGS)))

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  5. My mom lost the diamond from her ring once. She knew she’d been in the basement when it happened. We swept the entire floor at least five times, and miracle of miracles, I finally spotted it.

    I feel your pain, Di. I’m not a big jewelry person, but I wanted my grandmother’s ring my entire life because of the memories attached to it, and I really wanted to be able to pass it on to my daughter, who always admired it on my mom’s hand.

    When my mother hit 80 and started to fail, I suggested she let me have it. She didn’t, and a year later, she lost it. That was five years ago, and I’m still angry over the loss.

    Truthfully, I wouldn’t have been so upset if she’d simply lost the stone because I would’ve still had the actual ring. Take some comfort in the fact that it’s just the diamond that’s gone. You still have the most important part that your DH slipped on your finger. Get a jeweler to set a high quality cubic zirconium in it (they’re just as durable as a natural diamond and most people can’t tell the difference) and wear the symbol of his love.

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  6. I hope you find it, Autumn. Your brother and son were so sweet rushing to search the drains for you. Glad you have them in your life.

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  7. Oh my goodness, Autumn, I hope you are able to find it. But I will say it really is the sentiment of those objects that makes them special, not the object itself and you still have all the love that came with that ring even if you don’t have the diamond anymore. Hugs.

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