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Meet 2011 Golden Heart Finalist Jennifer McQuiston
 Posted by 2011 Golden Heart Finalists Jun 3 2011, 12:01 am in handling criticism, perseverance, writer's journey Over the course of the summer, the Ruby-Slippered Sisters are giving the 2011 Golden Heart finalists an opportunity to introduce themselves and share a bit about their writing life. Today’s guest is Jennifer McQuiston, a finalist in the Historical category for THE WIDOW ANABILLA. Please join us in congratulating her and welcoming her to the blog!
The Power of Peer Review I am so excited to be here, you can’t even imagine! It is so generous of the Rubies to offer this opportunity to the class of 2011 (cue matriculation music here), and I am looking forward to meeting many of you at RWA in New York! So, who am I? I am an infectious disease researcher, and like many of you, I have a day job I love. I work at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and my special area of expertise is tracking and preventing diseases that are transmitted between animals and humans. But days spent writing scientific journal articles can make even the most dedicated scientist long for a HEA, and I found that merely reading about it wasn’t satisfying enough – I wanted to create a world on paper. I approached writing my first book in much the same way I have always approached a scientific question: research. Armed with a litany of facts about a Victorian dress and diet, but having absolutely no concept about things like character arcs, I set off. I sat. I wrote. I spit out a 90,000 word novel that revolved around a cholera outbreak in 1854 London. Mere days after writing “The End”, I sent it off to a chapter contest to see if it was any good. My first contest in 2009 saw my manuscript returned with the following scratched across the top: “Is this even supposed to be a romance?” What the heck? Of course it was a romance. It wasn’t my fault the contest limited me to 30 pages, when the real relationship and the oh-so-romantic cholera epidemic didn’t heat up until page 294! I sat. I fumed. I took a step back and reconsidered things. I began to see that the contest judge wasn’t being mean – she was giving me something akin to a part of science I understood very, very well. Peer Review. The scientific laugh test. The thing you have to get past to publish your work. Once, on a scientific paper I had spent weeks writing, I received a comment back from an anonymous peer reviewer. “The author purports to be an epidemiologist, but appears to have trouble with simple mathematics.” The reviewer was peeved because he or she couldn’t make the numbers in my table add up to 100%. It might have been harsh, but it was an accurate review – I hadn’t double-checked my numbers. I can promise you, I never made that mistake again. I similarly discovered, in the moment of getting back those comments from my first-ever writing contest, the power of an honest critique. Even better, thanks to my experience with the scientific peer review process, I was prepared to handle it. What had I been thinking? No one besides this poor, hapless judge had ever seen my first manuscript – not my mother, not my husband, and not even my best friend. That judge probably deserved a medal for slogging through it, but, like scientific peer review, the process was cloaked in anonymity and I had no way to inform her that I could do better. I set out to correct my rookie mistake (a.k.a. Book #1). I read every excellent novel I could get my hands on. I joined my local RWA chapter, Georgia Romance Writers. I began to seek out readers and people who would provide me with similarly harsh feedback to that contest judge. The best thing I ever did was match up with an extraordinary critique partner (you know who you are RB!) who wasn’t afraid to tell it to me straight. Most importantly, I sat my butt back down in front of my laptop and wrote Book #2. And you know what? With my next attempt at writing, I not only finalled in that same chapter contest, I won my category. Take that mysterious contest judge! It has been an incredible, educational journey. Along the way, I have regularly seen colleagues around me turn inward, seen them reject the process of receiving and processing criticism. I get it – no one likes to be criticized. But in my personal experience, it has been as vital to the process of improving as a writer as getting the words on paper. We are so lucky to have writing help in the Romance community, with contests and conferences and workshops. But even more important than learning how to write, I think, is learning how not to write, and that is where critiques come in. Not only do you have a chance to test the strength of your work in the minds of people who are smarter than you, this step is vital to make sure that your work is of high enough merit to be ready for agents and editors. I would love to hear from you about your experiences with peer review and critiques, either good or bad. Does it motivate you to work harder, or does it make you want to curl into a ball and reach for an entire pitcher of Sangria? Either reaction is fine, as long as you don’t stop writing. I believe I would have never been lucky enough to final in the 2011 Golden Heart without that first soul-numbing critique. Oh, and if you are out there, mysterious contest judge #4, I have only one more thing to say: THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Share:
              
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Congratulations on your final, Jennifer! It’s great that you’ll be able to be in New York. Have you decided on that oh-so-important question yet of what you’ll be wearing?
We all dream about getting that critique that says, “This is perfect! Don’t change a thing!” But I have to say that the two times in my writing career that I’ve received that comment, I haven’t trusted it–and rightly so. Mostly it meant I had reached the limits of that reader’s ability to critique.
So I love harsh critiques, odd as that may sound. Because there’s always SOMEthing I can do to improve my writing. I want a partnership with someone who can make me see my work in a new way.
Yes, that is totally how I feel too! It’s important to be nice, of course – mean is not at all necessary – but harsh reality can be a good thing for my writing.
R.e. New York: I have changed my mind on the dress at least four times, but the SHOES I have.
Congrats on your GH final, Jen! And it sounds like I’m in good company with the shoe thing. I ALWAYS build my outfit around my shoes! I’ve challenged myself to pack only 4 pairs of shoes for RWA National (wearing the 5th), which must take me from sightseeing to workshops through to the Awards Ceremony.
I feel fortunate that I have a critique parter whose strengths complement my weaknesses, and vice-versa. She knows my writing, I know hers, we know what the other is attempting to accomplish, and can offer targeted, helpful advice. My editor’s feedback is solid gold. Even less-than-constructively stated contest feedback serves a purpose. It toughens you up, thickens your skin. Prepares you for public criticism. Because no matter how well-written your published book is, someone WILL dislike it. They may hate it. Downright LOATHE IT – and then write a Goodreads or Amazon.com review telling people exactly how they feel. It comes with the territory.
How you deal with that territory is up to the individual. I don’t read most of my reviews, and avoid Amazon and Goodreads like the plague. I can’t afford to get a bad review impact my productivity, and I’m self-aware enough to know that it will. As Megan Hart said on Twitter a couple of days ago, she can’t go to Goodreads anymore because whenever she does, she gets punched in the junk. She noted that it was a great resource for readers, but a potential minefield for authors. I agree with her completely. Your mileage may vary.
As many of my Ruby sisters know, I stumbled onto a particularly nasty review of my newest release over a week ago. Talk about a sucker punch! It wasn’t just someone not liking it, it was intentionally nasty and seemed personal. That a good enough reason to avoid places like Goodreads and Amazon, but in one way I’m glad I saw it. It reminded me how tough this business is and that with putting yourself out there, you will get reactions that aren’t what you hope for. But you still have to put yourself out there if you want to be a true professional. It’s part of it. But Tammy is right. It can undermine your productivity. It willake you doubt, but on the flipside, it made me very determined to write stronger and show that, oops can’t say it here, that I am a good writer.
Sangria, all around! Sorry to hear about that experience. It will get better!
I got such a laugh out of your story about novel #1 because mine goes the exact same way! I had no clue about character arc, leading up to a dark moment– heck, I wasn’t even tagging my dialogue properly! Getting those first contest results back was a true eye-opener.
I agree with Elise that harsh critiques can be helpful (in their own weird, sadistic way!), but definitely think there’s a difference between productive feedback and hurtful opinion. I look at judging contests like paying it forward. Two years ago, someone did me the favor of telling me that my MS needed work, but she was constructive about it. I try to do the same thing, because I know I’d never be the writer I am now if I hadn’t gotten those early critiques.
As an aside, I love that you read a lot as part of becoming a writer. I think that’s something a lot of people tend to skip over once they sit down with the intention of writing, but it’s such a must. If you don’t know your market (and once you’re trying to get published, your competition!), you’re really on the short end of the stick.
Great post!
Thanks for stopping by Kimberley! I totally agree on the reading part. It wasn’t until I started voraciously devouring everything ever written by Madeline Hunter, Meredith Duran, and Laura Kinsale that I think my writing started to pick up. Education by osmosis, I think.
Ah, Book #1. I remember it fondly. Always good for laugh!
Education by osmosis– that’s just awesome
Those first critiques were hard to read, I’ll admit. I entered my first manuscript into a contest — the Golden Rose — and I finaled, but it came with some heavy criticism. I wasn’t prepared for people to dislike my heroine quite as much as they did, nor for them to hate my setup. Apparently, you aren’t supposed to let your drunken heroine make out in an alley with the guy she knows to be the villain in the first scene of a Harlequin romantic suspense.
I hadn’t read any series romances (heck, I hadn’t read many romances, period) at that point, but like you, I hit the books. Now, I see what I did wrong, though sometimes I do miss the blissful ignorance of convention that allowed me to write outside of the box with that first book.
Still, I fixed that first scene and won that year’s Golden Heart. Without the critiques of the Golden Rose, I doubt I could have done that.
Great story and great lessons! I think I would have liked to read that scene you mention! I take a lot of heat for my tough and non-missish heroines, but they are what resonate with me when I seek out reading material. Getting someone to publish a debut author who writes them in historicals, however, is a bit of a challenge. One editor said the heroine of Book #2 (my GH finalist) was too much of bitch (his words, not mine!) for my hero. I take the criticism and try to soften them, but they still turn out pretty kick-butt.
“Apparently, you aren’t supposed to let your drunken heroine make out in an alley with the guy she knows to be the villain in the first scene of a Harlequin romantic suspense.”
<> This cracked me up, Jamie. Thanks for the laugh!
(I’d TOTALLY read that book.)
Me too!!!!
I am positive I wouldn’t have finaled this year if it wasn’t for two things. One was meeting my awesome CP who always has my back. She isn’t afraid to tell me when something doesn’t work or if something needs a little extra push, but she knows how to phrase the comment so I hear what she’s saying. I tried out with a lot of other CPs before I found her, too. You definitely need to click.
The other was a critique from a published author that I won in last year’s Brenda Novak auction. Was she tough on me? You bet, but she also told me she was being tough as a challenge. Thank you, Vanessa Kelly.
Aislinn – I think both are excellent points. I stalked my current CP after reading a sample of her work in a workshop, and we have been working together about a year. She totally changed the way I thought about (and went about) writing. She is solid gold (again, RB, I am looking at you!) Another personal *omg* experience happened for me this March. I bid my heart out on a Meredith Duran critique for my current work in progress, and won it by setting my alarm for 2am to sneak in the winning bid! She was incredibly supportive, but also offered a line by line critique that had me nodding my head and applying those lessons to the rest of the manuscript. The result is what I think is my best work yet and the one I plan to pitch at RWA.
Ooh, this inspires me. I just won a critique from JULIA QUINN! in the Brenda Novak auction. I could NOT be more excited!
Oh, WOW!!!! That’s like scaling Mount Olympus! How cool!
Ooh, Meredith Duran. Love her work. What an opportunity to have her critique your work.
As a reformed microbiologist from not much after your 1854 cholera outbreak, all I can say is cool! I used to live for the once a week reading of the Morbidity and Mortality Report when I was in college. (They sent it by pony express in those days LOL) Someone says plague, and I’m there. I hope you kept the disease in your GH finalist. And how cool to work at CDC.
Thanks Kate! I love meeting reformed microbiologists… my husband works in a lab here at CDC, and I will say my 6 year old daughter could probably spell Salmonella without even blinking. My GH manuscript, The Widow Anabilla, has a healthy disease focus… I have on occasion pitched it as “Love in the Time of Syphilis”, LOL! Anyone curious can catch a blurb at http://www.jenmcquiston.com (the name of the article there is A Summer for Scandal.)
You know, you can subscribe to the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Reports by email now (http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/mmwrsubscribe.html) so you can get your jollies! Sort of like riding a roller coaster – it will, on occasion, scare the heck out of you. I love my job, I truly do. How many people have both a career AND a hobby that makes them happy? I am lucky, lucky.
OK. Last post before airport! I replied earlier Kate, but it got tied up somehow. I LOVE reformed microbiologists. And yes, my GH finalist has a good dose of infectious disease thrown in, although a little sketchier than cholera… my hero thinks my heroine may have contracted syphilis from her nasty husband who has, thankfully, dropped dead before the marriage could be consummated. Not your average plotline, I know. But that’s what happens when a CDC’r writes romance. And said heroine is untouched, I swear!
Synopsis is on my website, if anyone wants to know how in the heck I propose to pull this off.
Ugh. Never mind. Now I posted twice. That’s it, laptop off and heading into the unknown! Catch everyone in New York!
(And avoid produce from Germany right now people. Really nasty E. coli strain running amok.)
Jennifer, congratulations on the final! I’m fascinated by infectious diseases, so much so that the book I’m currently writing deals with an illness that can be passed from animals to people (via an insect). So I’m in awe of your expertise!
Those first few contests I entered came back with some eye opening comments. Who knew you weren’t supposed to use “that” whenever you had an indirect quote. And my poor judge highlighted the word over and over and over. I cringed at how often I’d used it. Thankfully I learned my lesson pronto, but if those first few judges hadn’t been forthright enough to point out even those simple mistakes, I’d probably still be making them. So as hard as it was to get negative feedback, it really did help.
Thanks for your post!
Thanks Tina! My specialty at CDC is actually vectorborne diseases (such as ticks that transmit Rocky Mountain spotted fever from animals to humans), so if you want to bounce any ideas off me, I am your woman!
Thanks, Jennifer! I may take you up on that. Congratulations again!
Hi, Jen. Congrats!
I went to the writing school of hard knocks too. I finaled in the first RWA chapter contest I entered, which kept me coming back for more. But the final judge was less than impressed with my writing skills – the story of my life.
Thanks! The Hard Knock School is a tough one. Has a high tuition rate, too!
I have had excellent peer reviews and utilized them, but I’ve also had very mean spirited reviews as well that are the polar opposite of another review that is shining. I tend to dump them as unhelpful. Constructive criticism is one thing, and I appreciate it!
Congratulations on your GH Final. You deserve it and I will be cheering for you in the crowd!
Thanks Christine! I agree – constructive is key!
Big congratulations, Jen, on finaling in the Golden Heart! What an exciting and well-deserved achievement!
Really enjoyed your post. I especially loved this–”…even more important than learning how to write, I think, is learning how not to write…” Yes! And definitely what we need our critique partners for. What would we do without them?!
Good luck at Nationals, Jen!
Thanks Kathy! I do, indeed, love that I am learning how NOT to write. Makes a world of difference.
Love this post, Jenn! As for peer reviews, I say, “the meaner the better.” Ha! (Yes, constructive, not mean for mean’s sake, of course) but my goal is to be published. If I wanted praise, I’d send my writing to my mama. A CP or other peer who knows her stuff and is willing to be honest about it is INVALUABLE as far as I’m concerned.
Totally agree! Of course, not everyone I have critiqued appreciates that when it comes from me…
You started out a step ahead with the peer review experience, Jen, and it stood you in good stead. My very first contest, one judge gave me a 104 of 105, but the Harlequin editor (I don’t write for Harlequin so I have no idea why she was a straight historical judge) gave me an 82 with great comments. I still have her score sheet and comments. Next contest (same manuscript), I got the “sour grapes” judge who gave me a 42 and said she had tried to write a medieval romance once so had to give me credit for trying. Yeah. BTW, that’s the manuscript that brought my first GH final. *G*
I firmly believe there is a market for medieval romance, and I am it! Thanks for commenting, and above all, keep writing!
Congrats on the final, Jennifer! And you work for the CDC? OMG, that is the coolest thing ever!!!
I have learned so much from judges. Once one gets past the initial shock and rage, lol, one can learn quite a bit. This is a great testament to what happens when you sit back and think about the comments rationally, how much that kind of feedback can help.
Great post and thank you for being here, Jennifer!
~D~
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Hi everyone, I apologize for this. Government shenanigans indeed, apparently I need to be on a 4:45 flight to Crete – thought I was leaving tomorrow. That is going to cut my blogging responses short, but know that I appreciate the comments every last one of you have left! Sorry to comment and run, maybe I will find time to followup comments over the weekend.
Wow! I know it probably involves disease, but “having” to get on a plane for Crete at a moment’s notice….tres tres glam!! Wish my job did that from time to time…
Made it to Paris! It’s not that glamorous, it is a scientific conference. First time in my 13 years working for the government that I missed a flight. I think my Rubies blogging experience distracted me.
Jennifer, congratulations on your GH final! I hope the flight to Crete was non-eventful, too.
Ahhh, peer review. Constructive criticism, yes, getting “punched in the junk”, (homage to Megan Hart,) no. I entered a chapter contest last year with no discrepancy judging; my scores looked like this: 100. 94. 64. There was nothing constructive in the comments from the “64″ judge, either. Some days, you have to laugh, and just keep writing.
I’m all about the learning from my mistakes, but once in awhile, I have to keep repeating to myself, “It’s one person’s opinion”.
Thanks for the great blog post!
Ah, punched in the junk. I prefer the solar plexus, but then, I am protective of my junk! Yes, it is good to arm oneself with a steel-coated athletic protector before emabarking on this career!
Hi Jen! Fantastic post. I, like you, approached writing the same way…very analytically. When I was ready, I entered my first contest…the Maggie (hi Georgia!). Thus began my contest career of love/hate. One judge loved it, one tore it up…and I learned something from both. From the published judge who loved it, I learned I had some talent. From the published judge who wrote all over it, I learned that I had a lot to learn, not necessarily in the writing but in the storytelling…things like pacing, tension, etc. It was hard, but I listened and learned and sought out craft tapes/workshops and worked at it. I am grateful to both of those judges, and all the ones who came after, who helped me learn how to become a better writer, even when it hurt!
It’s almost scary, now, not to have those unpubbed contests to vet my WIPs
Congrats, again, on your GH final.
Thanks Heather! We scientists seem to be storming the romance world!
OK, flight to Crete at 5:45. Still have to pack and get to Atlanta airport. Sigh. Story of my life. Signing off now, Lookig forward to some good writing time on the flight!
Safe travels, Jen!
Terrific post, Jen. When I started entering contests, the most interesting lesson I learned was that even when a judge does not connect with my work — when her feedback makes it clear it is not about my writing, but has to do with the fact she is inhabiting a different literary plane altogether — even THEN — I have never once failed to find a kernel of hard-to-swallow reality that helped me improve my story.
Thanks for visiting the Rubies, and have lovely trip! (Crete??? How awful for you.
)
Thanks Sharon! Yes, I am in acute misery.
Hi Jennifer. Congratulations on your GH final. I always took the comments about CRAFT very seriously. NEVER listened to anything that would change my story. The first cold read at a chapter meeting was… well. Let’s just say my style was engaging. I had plenty of witty dialogue and it was kinda cool what I was saying. Too bad it had no GMC and the characters were little more than talking heads. So I went to work on craft. I entered 7 contests and the GH finaled in 3 and the GH with that story. Gawd! I look at the first entry and it is a hot mess but I finaled. In every contest (not GH of course) it was strongly suggested I change something in the story. My H&H, location, what they did for a living. BTW my heroine is a Coast Guard helicopter pilot. I had one contest judge tell me that there were too many books out there with the heroine doing this. Really? I didn’t change anything. I kept working on craft. That book comes out August 22nd.
Don’t let people take your story from you. Examine every craft comment and if it’s valid do something about it and more than likely it will make your story stronger.
Have a great trip.
Ohhh, I want to read the CG helicopter pilot novel! Sounds like my kind of story, Rita!
Congrats of publishing! That is incredible, and an amazing testament to those of us still hoping (er… *begging*) for an editor to sit up and take notice!
Crete? How many stamps does your passport have on it?
Love Rita’s story!
Criticism…it is kind of like blue cheese. You have to develop a taste for it. Then you crave it. Someone, please read my work and tell me what the hell is wrong!
Thanks for stopping by, Anna! I do have a lot of passport stamps. You will never catch me complaining about my job. Posted a pic of the view from my Crete hotel room this morning on Facebook… fabulous!
And speaking of cheese… holy feta, batman. Greece has the most amazing cheese!
Hi Jen! Major congrats on the final. I LOVE seeing your enthusiasm at our monthly meetings.
I had no idea about your “day job”. Sounds very cool.
I wish you the best of luck with the contest. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Have a great time at the conference.
Tami
Thanks Tammi! Ha. Enthusiasm is one thing I have in spades. I that helps me handle the critiques… I am jsut so gosh-darned excited someone actually took the time to READ and COMMENT on something of mine that I’ll take whatever!
Superb article, Jennifer, and congrats on the GH final! Loved the story of your first novel. And I echo everyone above who said: “You work at the CDC? How cool is that?”
You said: “But even more important than learning how to write, I think, is learning how not to write.” So true!
After surviving my first few soul-rending, your-heroine-is-a-doormat critiques, I learned that some of the harshest feedback can also be the most valuable. (They were right. She was a doormat!) Now, when I get a real zinger, I feel a lot less “ouch” and a lot more “okay, let’s roll up the sleeves.”
Have a safe trip to Crete!
Hi Laurie, thank you for stopping by! I hope to meet you in NY … if I recall, you already have a fabulous dress, no?
Welcome to the Rubies, Jennifer, and congratulations on your final! Thanks for sharing your experiences with us (and your day job sounds pretty cool too!)
Thank you! It is so amazing to be a guest here. NICEST FOLKS EVER!
Welcome, Jennifer, and congrats again on your final!!! I loved your post!
When you get back from Crete and catch your breath, can you tell us a little more about THE WIDOW ANABILLA?
Jen,
I have to say thanks for the excellent peer reviews you’ve given me. Oh, and I think we might be kindred spirits after all. I wrote a novella about love in an infamous TB ward. I need help.
You, on the other hand, are rockin’ it! Keep up the great work.
Thanks Sally! Ah, love on an infectious disease ward. My kind of story!
So Eliza encouraged me to say a bit about The Widow Anabilla, by GH finalist.
It is a historical set in Victorian England, and it involves a rather… ahem.. delicate setup. You know how the romance cliche about the new bride pretending to be a virgin? Well, my heroine is pretending NOT to be a virgin, and it lands her in a hot mess.
Anabilla is fending off the exuberant advances of her brand new, sleazy, and rather geriatric viscount of a husband – in the carriage on the way to the wedding reception, no less – when he keels over dead. Ana panics, thinking that someone may challenge the validity of the marriage, and tells everyone the thing was consummated.
The only problem is her former husband’s personal physician can’t stop thinking about the new widow, or the fact he believes this young woman was just exposed to syphilis. Much angst ensues.
Not the most romantic setup, but I think it certainly qualifies as unusual! A better summary is up on my website at http://www.jenmcquiston.com
Sorry I haven’t responded to everyone’s posts personally, but I am loving all the comments!
I LOVE this premise! Hooked already.
J, We are wishing you all the best! I know good things are ahead for you. –N
Thanks Nicki! I am so appreciative of all the support from GRW colleagues, and I am looking forward to fun drinks in NY with everyone!
As usual, I’m late to the party, but I have a good excuse, J. Well. It’s not a good excuse, but it’s a Normal-in-My-Universe excuse. The new rescue puppy has mange. It flared up with disgusting virility. I think you should incorporate it into your next novel. I will consider it an homage to your CP.
So proud of you. Truly. Words cannot describe.
Although, technically, they should since I’m supposed to be a writer as well. =)
Since she has decided to come out of hiding, I present my Critique Partner Romily Bernard! Ta-dah! She is the reason I finalled. Truly. She is the one who had the guts to tell me “you can do better than this” on an early draft. And even more important, the one who raised her eyebrows on the earliest pitch of this and said, “um, yeah, you might want to tweak that cane thing a little.” (Sorry. Inside joke. But THANK YOU ROMILY!)
Congrats on your final, Jen! I’ve had both good and bad judges in contests. Some that were super sweet and took the time to crit my (awful) stuff, some that were just cutting and hurtful. I tend to go the way of the sangria, but not for long. It’s all good – toughens us up for those rejections. LOL!
Thanks Annie! The cool think about Sangria is you can toast your successes in addition to drowning your sorrows. Best just to keep a pitcher in the fridge, for any emergency!
Jen,
Thanks again for being such an inspiration and a good ear (good eye?) in your comments and critiques of pages past. It takes courage to put your writing out there, but isn’t that the point after all. Best of luck in NYC and congratulations on all you’ve accomplished so far.
Kimberly
Thanks Kimberly, I am so glad I have gotten to meet you and exchange work through this year’s GH final! It has been a real pleasure, and I think we will both be published all too soon!
You had me at “cholera epidemic.” Not kidding even a little bit. I went over to your website to check out your books, and wow! Syphilis as a plot point? Impotence? A hero who works in a morgue? I can see how you might be a tough sell for some of the mainstream houses, but you just cannot publish soon enough for me.
Wow, thank you for the nice words Cecilia! It truly made my day. Yeah, for some reason these less than typical plots are knocking around inside me. Hope they find printed paper someday.
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