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Guest: NYT Best-selling Author Madeline Hunter – Staying Sane Despite Setbacks
 Posted by Gwynlyn MacKenzie Jul 22 2011, 12:01 am in guest author, motivation, perseverance, Staying sane, writer's advice, writer's life, writing through setbacks I’d introduce our guest, but I’m pretty sure you know her. So without further ado, please welcome New York Times Best-selling Author, Madeline Hunter.  Is there a writer somewhere in the world who has not experienced disheartening setbacks? I haven’t met her yet. Life as a writer is an emotional roller coaster, even when things are going well. So learning to deal with setbacks is a life skill that it is essential to master.No one knows this better than unpublished authors. Since all authors are at some point unpublished, that means we all know this. However, even for an author who thinks she is experienced in handling setbacks, there can be the one that flies in from left field and hits her in the gut.
We can argue over which are the worst ones. Is the tenth rejection in a row the worst, or the rejection that comes after something raised your hopes? I personally think the latter is more dangerous, because I know writers who never overcame that kind of setback.
I tell writers that I wrote a million words before I received my first contract. I admit this, and announce it, because I want others to know that tenacity pays off. While I wrote those words, I was being rejected. A lot. That means I had a lot of experience in surviving setbacks even before I was published, and I have had some in the ten years since. Here is my advice on surviving them, based on what I have learned along the way: —-Promise yourself that within 48 hours of experiencing a setback, you will be writing again. Make this promise when things are going pretty well. Then, when disappointments arrive, force yourself to keep the promise. After a few times of forcing yourself, returning to the writing will become a habit and part of how you deal with setbacks. The point of this promise and habit is to take the option of not writing off the table, which is what the insanity will tempt you to choose. —–Find someone to whom you can rant. This is crucial to staying sane. You need to blow off steam, so have a friend with whom you can let it rip. My rant buddy is not another writer, and I don’t think a critique partner is the best choice for several reasons, but do what works for you. The best rant buddy agrees with everything you say, and never repeats a word of it to a living soul. —–Find someone who is professionally supportive. This is not the same as a rant buddy. This is a more objective voice who will remind you that the business is capricious and that you need to just keep going. Ideally this will be someone who really believes in your talent and whose opinion matters. An agent is ideal, but an established writer, or even a very well read reader works too. This person is the voice of sanity talking you down. —–Do not allow rejection letters to drive you nuts. I used to pour over them, reading volumes between the lines, looking for the nugget that would tell me what went wrong and what I should do differently. This was all a waste of time. Most rejection letters are form letters, as you know, and the rest are not thought out in detail. There are a zillion reasons why a manuscript might be rejected and the four lines in the letter are not written in a secret code that, if cracked, will explain why it happened this time. —-If you are published, do not read reviews. Do not request your RITA scores. In short, do not go looking for mini setbacks on old projects that will only make you insane and derail you on the current one. Yes, there will be positive reviews too, but they will not balance out the negative one in the way your emotions and psyche will weigh them. —-Allow yourself to grieve. My own reactions to setbacks go through predictable steps, much like the grieving process. First stage: anger. Oh, yes, allow yourself to be angry. Irrationally so if that is your style (see the need for a rant buddy above; it is always more effective if you can express the anger to someone.) Curse like a sailor if you want to. Let that fury fly. Get as down and dirty and personal as you want. Second stage: depression. I learned not to fight this either. I wallow in it. I mope and worry. I visualize every worst case scenario. Like anger, I get it out of my system. It usually takes about 2 days before I start looking and sounding strange to myself. Third stage: renewal. I put it behind me and continue writing, and planning how to reach my goals. —-Keep writing NEW material. Setbacks often show up in the form of “almost there.” The story almost sold or almost won a golden heart. The book almost made the bestseller lists. The temptation is to create a new iteration of the “almost” story and take another shot. Try to avoid this pitfall. Juice the creativity and try something new instead. If nothing else, you won’t feel like you are treading water in a setback lake. —-Objectively reevaluate your writing and your goals. This is a biggie, almost too big for this blog. Periodically it is good to assess your goals and whether in fact you are on track to achieving them. NOT after each setback. Ideally not directly after any setback. However, if you are not progressing as you want, and if the setbacks seem to be too frequent, this reevaluation may be a good idea. You might stand back and assess the market and whether you are pouring your time and heart into non-viable products. You might consider whether your manuscripts are being seen as neither fish nor fowl by the agents or editors you approach too (the curse of the blended genre book.) You might take a hard look at your synopsis to see if it is truly communicating the story you wrote, or whether an editor will not see the forest because you are only lining up all the trees. If you are a published author whose sales have turned into setbacks, you may want to consider if you need a different publisher who will bring more to the table, or whether it is time to switch sub-genres or add a new one. If you have been dropped by your publisher, you have a lot of choices to make. Some authors use this major setback to reinvent themselves and go on to incredible careers, so give the reevaluation as much time and objectivity as you can muster. An unpublished writer might conclude that it is time to get a fresh perspective on her work. This can be done by entering some contests that promise critiques along with scores. Better would be to approach an author whose work is similar to yours, and ask for a reading. You only want one question answered— Why is this work not selling? Another way to obtain that evaluation is to purchase it, perhaps through the auctions where authors and editors donate such critiques. I recommend doing this even if you have an agent, by the way. Agents take us on because they love our work. If they do they may not see the problems that other may see. If it helps at all to know it, surviving setbacks becomes easier as you get more experienced in it. The later disappointments don’t make us as insane as the earlier ones. Which is not the same as saying they don’t hurt. They do, deeply. But you already know that.
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Great advice! Thank you! I recently had a kind of hard set-back, and I did some of the things you suggest–ranted, got back on the pony right away and moved forward.
Good for you! It is hard to do sometimes, but it is the best way to handle it. And I’m sorry you had a bad one.
Thanks so much for sharing your tips on staying sane in this sometimes crazy business, Madeline! I know I would’ve gone loopy years ago if I didn’t have trusted rant buddies to confide in. But they don’t indulge me for long — I appreciate it when they tell me to move on.
You are lucky to have rant buddies who tell you to move on! I confess that mine can be a little TOO supportive, and let me rant away until sanity returns on its own.
Thanks so much for sharing your insights and advice, Madeline.
I’ve lost some good peers in the past because they no longer wanted to deal with the crazy roller coaster ride. I agree that learning to cope with disappointment is an essential acquired talent in this business.
One of the writers who almost gave up is now a major bestselling author. She wrote about her experience in the RWR years ago— about how she won the GH, I think, and expected good things that did not come, and how she stopped writing and almost never started again.
I think that now we have all this support online and know we are not alone, and that helps us in ways it didn’t before the web. But the stress of the roller coaster can take its toll still, and some people do decide they don’t want that.
Such very good advice…I’ll have to bring this out again and remind myself how much we writers have to go through to get a finished project on the shelf.
Yesterday I had lunch with a few writer friends and in talking about trying to encourage many of the unpublished members of our chapter, one said to me, “many would think you really hadn’t paid your dues.” At first I was taken aback. Wasn’t like I sold my first book, nor my second. I got plenty of scathing contest results and hundreds of rejections. Took me three years and a half years to sell (which I know doesn’t seem that long, but still.) I thought about it for a minute and realized my absolute determination to cry, rant, and then climb back on the horse made a difference. My attitude was “I’m going to learn, grow and refuse to get beat.”
What you’ve said here today is the key to true success – when you get knocked down, you get back up…and take another step forward daring someone to try and knock you down again.
Thanks for sharing with us today your personal philosphies on dealing with setback, especially the importance of a support group. Obviously, you do setbacks well
The “Paying your dues” line comes up a lot in our community. I’m not sure what is required for the dues to be paid
I think it reflects a desire for all of this to be fair, somehow, which it isn’t. Or for there to be a list of experiences that if you check them off, you get to succeed. I would not have minded that kind of implied guarantee, that’s for sure! Only it isn’t there. That makes getting back on the horse harder, of course.
Fabulous advice, as always, Madeline. I’ve done the anger thing—complete with sailor imitation—but never thought about about the inevitable bottoming out afterward as grieving. Still, I see the correlation. Hopes dashed deserve a fitting eulogy.
Hi, Gwyn!
I find it it most like grieving when my hopes were high about something, and it doesn’t work out.
Wonderful advice, Madeline. Some of which I had not heard before and will promptly try as I’m sure another setback is just around the corner. They are inevitable in this business, right?
Thanks so much for your sage perspectives.
Jenn!
Unfortunately, they are always there. I hate to say it, but being a published writer is getting very stressful these days, so learning to stay sane comes in handy no matter where you are on the journey.
Thank you, Madeline! This was wonderful. As you know, I’ve been at this a LONG time. I think you’re absolutely right about rejection after having one’s hopes raised as being the most damaging. For me, it didn’t destroy my desire, but it changed my priorities a lot.
After ten years of writing full time and winning the GH twice with no sale, I started letting my life intrude more than I probably should. An example of my internal dialogue is, “Go ahead and offer to provide daycare for your grandson. You’re home anyway, and it’s not as if New York is begging to publish you. And while you’re at it, go ahead and watch all those new shows with your hubby in the evening too.”
I used to write at least two books a year. Now, I’m lucky if I churn out one. I’m publicly committing here today to kick this defeatist voice out of my head. From this moment forward I’m only repeating POSITIVE affirmations to myself.
Laurie,
Good for you! I’m sure the sisterhood will help you stick with the resolution.
Yay, Laurie! Glad to hear you’ll be back on the wagon.
Yay, Laurie!! Go, go, go!!!!
Hugs,
Addison
Awesome, Laurie. The GH opens in a few months. Get on it, girl.
Yay, Laurie!!! You can do it!
Thank you, Madeline, both for the good advice and for writing Ravishing in Red. It’s the first time I’d taken all the good advice to read you, and lo and behold, here is a historical romance author writing about characters who inhabit their historical time period with more than ballgowns and sex in carriages. You wrote about the aftermath of war, both war wounds and investigating shoddy manufacturing, in the midst of a romance. Yay! You give me hope, both for my own writing and for historical romance as a subgenre. I’ve been writing in the midst of my current setback while reevaluating, and your post today reminds me to move forward bravely. Thank you.
Thank you for your nice words about RiR. Please do move forward! This is so important.
Madeline, thanks so much for being with us here today!
I heartily agree with your advice not to read your reviews. Soon after my debut, TASTE ME, was published, I went to Goodreads and saw that a reader had given the book a two-star review, offering her opinion that the book had been miscategorized subgenre-wise. Despite the other positive reviews, it was THIS one that lodged in my brain like a festering sliver.
It was really hard for me to put it out of my mind and get cracking on that day’s pages – and that was the lesson learned. I can’t afford to let negative feedback about a book I wrote in the past impact my progress on the book I’m trying to write right now.
I learned the “don’t read reviews” early too! Same story as yours— the first negative one really hit me and I lost a lot of time. I still come across some now, and they do not have the same effect, but I don’t go looking for negativity. And I do not understand asking for the RITA scores at all. There is nothing good to come of it, is how I see it. The book is done, gone, in print, so you can’t “fix” it, not that the scores come with comments anyway.
This is a wonderful post, Madeline, and one I intend to print out and paste inside my daily notebook. I’m fully in agreement on the idea that setbacks require a grief period, and that you’ve given that setback a full two days. That’s priceless advice. And the idea of not re-working to push that one book past “almost” — wow! did I need to hear that today : ) I can hardly wait to tell my writer friends to read this blog entry; there’s something for every writer here. Thank you!
The most valuable advice I received when I was unpublished was “keep writing new material.” It was part of the “going forward,” for one thing. For another, each new project improved my writing.
Madeline,
Thank you so much for ALL your words of wisdom.
As a newly published author, who took more than two decades to get there I have to say that I pretty much followed your advice, every step of the way. It takes stubborness, a good support network, and a lot of positive thinking and action to win through and achieve a lifetime goal.
I’d like to make one additional comment for Ruby blog readers: if you’re not a member of Romance Writers of America or a local chapter of RWA, do yourself a big favor and join up. Not only will RWA help you learn what you might be doing wrong, but it’s a ready made support group that will help to keep you positive and focused.
My long road to publication took a big turn for the positive when I joined RWA about ten years ago. I got the best advice on craft and a great support network that kept me slogging on until I finally sold.
Madeline, I’d also like to thank you for all of the work you’ve done teaching published authors about the publishing business. Your information and willingness to answer questions has been invaluable to me, personally, as I’ve cross the threshold from PRO to PAN. Thank you so much for all you do.
Hope, you are a poster girl for tenacity paying off. I agree that RWA helps a lot. I probably could have saved a couple of years if I had joined earlier.
Thank you for your nice words about my workshops on industry.
Thanks so much for this amazing post! I related to every word of it, and especially the part about removing the word “quit” from the equation. I did this a couple of years ago and it was freeing. I told myself even if I had to get a paying job, I would still write every day no matter what. I gained a lot of time and energy back into my day—no more lengthy internal debates of whether the Universe was trying to send me a sign that I shouldn’t be an author.
This year, I signed with a fabulous agent and feel my career is starting to find its footing. I pray wonderful things will start happening soon. And if they don’t, I’ll still write every day.
Much continued success to you!
Take care.
Barb, congratulations on the agent!
Thank you for the wonderful advice!
A good friend of mine recently reinvented herself in a new genre after her contract was dropped and that new series is BRILLIANT. I’m so awed by her ability to turn disappointment into triumph. It can’t have been easy in the face of rejection, but she found what made her joyful about writing again and this amazing new series came from that place. So inspiring.
Vivi, this happens A LOT. It is amazing to me. I can’t imagine being any more down than when a career hits the kind of setback you describe, but time and again I see writers overcome that and not only survive, but flourish like your friend. This happened to one of my friends and I was crying for her because I knew how horrible she felt. In less than 6 months she ended up with two new contracts in two new sub-genres.
Loved this: “The later disappointments don’t make us as insane as the earlier ones.”
So good to know. Thank you, Madeline!
I think they don’t because with experience we realize that a setback is just that, and not THE END.
What a great post. Thanks for the advice, Madeline. And it’s great that we do toughen up. Your tip sheet is going on my wall.
I’m glad you found it helpful, Bev.
Powerful post, Madeline. I’ve been around long enough to see other writers give up (at least for a bit). I’ve almost done it, too. Several times. But something positive always pulls me back. Plus, I genuinely enjoy writing (when I’m not pulling my hair out in handfuls).
And I appreciate your advice about not reading reviews. My first book comes out soon, and I’d heard other writers suffer grief from bad reviews. I hope I can resist the temptation to look!
Trust me, your friends will send you the good ones, so you will get to see them. A lot of review sites and bloggers also only forward the good ones to writers. Stay off Amazon and B & N, though, if you want to remain sane.
Madeline:
What a wonderful post full of so many nuggets of gold. Thanks so much for spending the day with us!
Addison
Hi Madeline,
Let me join in the chorus of thank-yous for this wonderful post — it’s so chock full of must keep advice. I find that set-backs tend to send me directly to the grief-and-wallow stage. I rant very little. I mostly hole up for a while and then do the “I must stink as a writer, what am I thinking?” thing with a few best writer friends. I have learned to share my bad news and set-backs. It took quite a while to figure out that sharing what I perceived to be embarrassing failures didn’t embarrass me but gave me a wonderful, supportive community. In a strange way, racking up the rejections and sharing them with fellow writers gave me a feeling of professionalism despite the sting.
I very recently sold my first book and I’m finding even that really wonderful place to be fraught with roller coaster dips — from joy and excitement, to having the contract taking so long I’m sure they’re changing their minds, to absolute terror nobody will ever read this book. Thanks, Madeline for making it okay to feel all these stages of elation, doubt and worry.
Big congrats on the first contract, Liz. They do take forever sometimes to get that deal nailed down in writing, don’t they? Sort of makes us know we are not the center of their universe, huh? LOL. But no one is changing their minds (I have only heard of that happening once, ages ago, and it is so unheard of I think “there was more to that story” if you know what I mean.)
Wonderful post. I’ve learned waiting and looking for reviews and at sales is totally self-defeating. Sure the ones that are great really lift the spirits, but the ones that are only average or below can really put you in a tailspin. I now chant, “I love what I do, what I write. I’m moving forward and that is all that counts.”
Thanks again for being with us today and offering all this great advice.
You are a wise woman. It is so important that we get our heads in the right place, or we really would go insane, I thinkk
What a fantastic post, Madeline!
Thank you so much for being here today. I am learning not to read reviews. One bad review can set me back an entire day if not more. While deep down I understand no one can write to please everyone. Someone out there will hate my books. It’s still a shocker sometimes.
This is such great advice. Thank you again!
~D~
I think some people have figured out I don’t read them—so they email their negativity right to my email box. Sigh. But at least I am not searching out the negativity. And losing a day was pretty much my score too, back when I read them.
Thanks, Madeline. Let me add my voice to the chorus of those applauding you for your advice. What I’ve learned so far, summed up into one word, would be – perseverance. I’ll never give up. But the other day, after yet another rejection from another agent, my 17-year-old son asked why don’t I try to write in another genre. I thought, Out of the mouth of babes (or teens, in his case).
Patti
If you enjoy reading mutliple genres, then you can write them too. That is how I see it. And I figured out about 8 years ago that the sub-genre or setting did not really matter for a lot of the stories I wanted to tell. But that is a whole other blog!
Thank you so much for blogging with us, Madeline! Your words of wisdom are always inspiring.
I’m blessed (or cursed, depending on how you look at it. LOL) with extreme stubborness. I’m also very lucky that I can rant to both my husband and writing friends who will tell me all the ways my writing is brilliant and then give me the shove I need to let go of my funk.
But there were times when I’ve wondered whether it’s all worth it. And I’ve decided it is. Writing is something that is entirely mine, my creative outlet that keeps me sane when life tries to make me insane. If I didn’t have that, I would miss it.
I think that “wondering” is valuable. There is no law that says we have to do this. It is a choice. And it always should be. I think the stubborness
comes from the choosing. So reaffirming that choice (or not) should be part of the process, I believe.
Madeline,
Your post couldn’t have come at a more appropos time! I just received a rejection from a pitch I had done at a retreat a few months back this morning. I found the agents words encouraging and thoughtful even though I was rejected (I like receiving rejections in which my name/book/parts of my book are mentioned. It makes me feel as if it’s sent ‘to me’ and not a form letter.) I still wish there was more specifics on certain areas where I might re-edit accordingly.
To me a rejection is a stepping stone. Everyone who wants to be the best they can be should learn from their rejections even if it is disheartening. I keep my mantra going with each one . . . “Someday my ‘Print’ (or ebook) will come.”
So thank you for the words of wisdom. So far, haven’t had a fit yet and yes, in the words of Dory from “Finding Nemo” . . . ‘just keep swimming, just keep swimming!’ (or writing as our case may be).
Hugs!
(P.S. This is my take on rejections today–ask me again in a few years if I am still floundering.) LOL
It took me a long time to realize that the rejections don’t explain why very well because they don’t know why very well. A lot of this is intuitive. Translating that into analysis is time-consuming, and agents/editors can’t afford the time. But it would be nice if they would do it, because I think it would save a lot of us lot of time. Sometimes it is very fixable, once it is thuoght about for a while.
Keep swimming. I like that.
I should probably say that I did not get angry after the first, oh, dozen rejections. But the day came when I did. It felt pretty good to crack and vent, LOL.
Oh, I’m expecting that to happen eventually. Until then there is something called–DiSorrona Amaretto. Very good at soothing all those ‘inner boo-boos’.
LOL
Excellent advice, Madeline! So useful! In today’s publishing world, though, I worry that unpublished authors who jump too fast into the small press or self-publishing market will miss out on truly learning and growing from setbacks WHILE they are still unpublished. I fear the real pain will still come, only AFTER they’re published. Therefore, the setbacks may arrive in an even more painful fashion (given that they already believe they’d “made” it). These could be disastrous for authors.
As for rant buddies…I have a couple. One of them sometimes tries to talk logically and point out it’s only one opinion, blah, blah, blah, and I have to tell her no, don’t try to help, just shut up and let me rant. She’s learned to ask first if she’s supposed to try to help yet or not
Thanks for coming back to see us here at the Ruby blog!
Yeah, a rant buddy is just supposed to nod. I have one who gets indignant on my behalf, which is nice. We rant together.
It is so nice to meet you today, Madeline. I have a few of your books on my keeper shelf.
I am unpublished and take to heart all of your good advice. I write historical and love spending time writing my stories. At least my stories are finaling in contests now and I have taken on a new thought process: You can’t fight fate. When those unhappy moments arrive, I brush them off and try to figure the best way to deal with them. It seems to be working for me not only in my writing career.
You point out a silver lining in all of this. What we learn about ourselves, and working through disappointments, and handling them when something matters—-it all spills over into other areas of our lives. I know that I am much less sensitive to rejection of any kind now, that’s for sure.
Thank you for taking the time to be with us today. My dream would be to have posts such as yours made required reading for new authors. Newbies (myself included) worry about things that in the scheme of things aren’t important.
My debut novel went to net galley last week. It’s a weird feeling. I know I have to do this promo stuff but it really is a huge distraction. I haven’t yet mastered the ability to balance it all. The last few weeks I’ve developed a gigantic respect for published authors that handle all this with grace and apparent ease.
When it comes to all that promo stuff, you just do what you can and leave the rest undone. There is a limit to how much you can impact things no matter what anyone says, so don’t let it deplete you either in terms of energy or money. Sometimes I think we do so much so that we can tell ourselves that we did a lot (i.e. if things don’t work out IT IS NOT OUR FAULT.) Writers play lots of head games with themselves that way
Madeline, OH, such big thanks to you for addressing this topic. I thought I was nuts. I sold early in the pitching effort (not early in the writing effort) and then when the bad reviews hit and hit and hit, I couldn’t figure out why I was such roadkill in the middle of my dream coming true. You’re right–there can be ten great reviews to one bad one, but I focused on what loomed as a threat, not what loomed as positive reinforcement.
Fall down seven times, get up fourteen, or something like that. Thanks again for your wisdom. It is both needed and appreciated.
What a timely post! I am, as I write this, in the wallowing stage. I had no idea there were stages but it makes perfect sense. Your advice, as always, is practical and wise. I have never forgotten what you told us PROs in 2009 about being ‘almost there’. Feels like I have been living in this limbo land for eternity (despite the reality). Have gotten so close recently, but alas not there yet. I agonize over remarks like “you are very talented but I just didn’t fall in love with it”. And, “I read with great interest…but just couldn’t connect with your voice”. Being the ultimate fixer I drive myself crazy wondering how to fix this. But have decided it is like asking someone what you can do differently to make them love you. Anyway, this post came at just the right time (as did your remarks in 09) and lifted my spirits and made me more determined to keep going. Guardian angel or voice of reason, either way, thank you!
Great blog full of wise advice! And your speech at RWA was great too. I end my writing class (in my local adult school) by telling my students this quote from (non-fiction writer) Elaine Fantle Shimberg: “The only difference between a published writer and an unpublished writer is that the published writer didn’t give up.”
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